Is This the Real Me?
by Reader Castellan
Summary: Lohan thinks about his life with Scarlett and Matt and wonders who he really is.


**Is This the Real Me?**

I was angry with my father at that time.

I had asked him a simple question. Why was this girl so important? How was she so significant that we were endangering our entire force?

My father had been angry with me for the first time and his words struck me like thunder bolt.

"This girl's life matters to me more than yours," he had said angrily. I had been saddened by it. My father valued a mere girl's life more than the life of his eldest son? But we had been taught that we had to keep our mouth shut in front of the King of the Mountain so I did not say anything.

Now I think he was right.

Scarlett Adams was indeed special.

She was like a simple school girl, unaware of everything and completely lost. When we met she looked so scared that she looked like a five year old who got lost in an annual fair.

But that had changed.

The girl had created a typhoon, such a strong typhoon that the world might not have seen. She had protected all of us and led us to the temple in Hong Kong.

I thought that we would be safe, that I would be successful in doing my duty.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Scarlett Adams was shot in the forehead, shot by a jerk. For a fraction of a second I actually felt grief wash over me. The girl was dead. She couldn't die! I couldn't fail!

I was sad because of her death. I would never, never admit it but I cared for the girl. I had started thinking of her as a friend rather than just a responsibility.

But Scarlett survived.

I can't tell how relieved I was. Abruptly Matt told us to go through the door. He was right; the temple would get destroyed in a matter of seconds. So we all rushed in.

But when we were on the other side of the door the only person with me was Matthew Freeman.

I don't need to say that I missed Scarlett like anything. And I was angry that I was paired with Matt. Why not Scarlett? Why not Jamie? He had seemed nice enough.

But what I got was Matt.

I didn't tell him that I resented having him with me. I was used to _give_ orders, not _receive_ them! Though I do admit that he played the role of a slave extremely well. I couldn't get a better actor.

After a few weeks, I don't remember how many, we both were captured as slaves. Matt was struck with a high fever. I had started liking him by then as well. I tried to make sure that he felt better but I couldn't do much.

And after some days we escaped.

And the best part? I betrayed Matt.

No, don't get me wrong. I didn't give him away to the Old Ones. I did something else. The helicopter was right in front of me but I suspected that if I helped Matt get there then my chances of survival might be less than even zero. So I lied to him and decided to take the helicopter to USA myself.

The boy was smart.

Maybe he did know that I was lying. So he made sure that both of us were in the helicopter. I tried to fly to USA but again he was there with his telekinesis. At last I gave up and set course for Antarctica.

Another thing that I would never admit to any other person apart from myself is that I felt very guilty. How could I dump a young boy for my selfishness? I shook my head. I had been taught that I should first save my own skin.

But what if that act makes me feels guilty and disgusted by myself?

But in my business there was no scope of feeling guilty.

Suddenly I started laughing. Not because I had gone mad, but because at last maybe I was thinking more like a…human.

For the first time in my life I felt as if what I had done was wrong.

I found myself wondering.

Is this the real me? Am I really such a selfish, money minded person? Don't really care about anybody else?

I doubted it.

When we arrived in Antarctica the best thing that happened to me was meeting Scarlett. I was so happy to see her safe and healthy that I wanted to hug her. I resisted it though. I wanted to thank Richard as well for taking so good care of Scarlett. I resisted that too..

But the next blow in my face was when Matt had been captured. I was shocked. That would be an understatement. _How_ could Matt be captured?

The World Army was planning to destroy Oblivion. I couldn't help Matt but I wanted to save Scarlett. At any cost.

I told her to leave; that we couldn't do anything for Matt. She called me selfish and reminded me how I had dumped Matthew the last time as well.

Her words stung me. They hurt me deeply. She stormed off angrily to look for a zodiac.

I couldn't let her down. I wouldn't let her down.

As fast as I could I arranged a zodiac and took went to Scarlett. She smiled. Her eyes told me that she knew that I would not betray her. She got in and we started speeding along.

As we moved ahead I knew for sure. This is _not_ the real me. My heart is not that of a murderer or that of a money minded businessman. I am a human, as human as anyone else.

I promised to myself that I would protect Scarlett no matter what. I'll protect my friend with everything I have.

This is a promise of Lohan and Lohan keeps his promises.


End file.
